Are Obligated Acts of Kindness Rewarding?

In late January I had several creative ideas on how I would show kindness to strangers. I was eager to execute them and blog about the experiences. But sometimes our plans are interrupted by more urgent matters.

My elderly mother fell and broke her arm in 4 places late last month. Not only was it her favored arm, but the experience also decimated her ability to walk safely on her own. Suddenly my siblings and I found ourselves needing to provide care for her 24x7. Virtually all of our plans, not just my kindness plans, were dropped. We knew our obligation and adjusted our schedules appropriately.

I can remember countless evenings growing up when my dad would arrive home late after milking the cows and my mom would complain that his dinner was cold. He had been spending time with his aged dad and providing care for him (even though he had a live in care giver). He would do this most evenings after having already worked 14 ½ hours (farming was not the easy life). This left an impression in my young mind that I too would someday help care for my own elderly parents. It was never a question in my mind; it was an understood “obligation” of the parent-child contract.

While showing kindness in quick little encounters with strangers is easy (even fun sometimes), showing kindness out of “obligation” for extended periods of time, especially when it conflicts with your own plans for fun, is much more difficult. Where’s the fun in escorting your elderly parent to and from the bathroom or cutting their food into small bites or … again and again?

Sacrificing (i.e. showing kindness) for your own children (especially when they are babies) comes pretty easy, at least in my own experience. But when the roles are reversed and you the child are sacrificing for your parent you really come face to face with your own selfishness … or selflessness.

Writing this blog has definitely caused me to be more reflective about kindness and my own character. If I only showed kindness when it didn’t conflict with my schedule or when there was the quick reward of a smile or a thank-you I would be a pretty shallow person (I probably wouldn’t like myself very much). While the deeper form of kindness isn’t always easy, the reward is worth it.

Did I write “reward”? Yes, I have found caring for my temporarily (she is improving quickly) invalid mother rewarding. I found that I was able to maintain a good attitude, provide her with quality care when I was on duty, and actually enjoy serving her (as she had done for me so many times during my youth).

Don’t get me wrong, caring for an elderly parent is hard work (emotionally, mentally and physically). If it weren’t for my siblings (especially my sister who took the lead) sharing the effort I would have been overwhelmed. But fortunately, the experience this past month was filled with acts of kindness, which even though they were done under obligation, were still rewarding.