In
late January I had several creative ideas on how I would show kindness to
strangers. I was eager to execute them and blog about the experiences. But sometimes
our plans are interrupted by more urgent matters.
My elderly
mother fell and broke her arm in 4 places late last month. Not only was it her
favored arm, but the experience also decimated her ability to walk safely on
her own. Suddenly my siblings and I found ourselves needing to provide care for
her 24x7. Virtually all of our plans, not just my kindness plans, were dropped.
We knew our obligation and adjusted our schedules appropriately.
I
can remember countless evenings growing up when my dad would arrive home late after
milking the cows and my mom would complain that his dinner was cold. He had
been spending time with his aged dad and providing care for him (even though he
had a live in care giver). He would do this most evenings after having already
worked 14 ½ hours (farming was not the easy life). This left an impression in
my young mind that I too would someday help care for my own elderly parents. It
was never a question in my mind; it was an understood “obligation” of the
parent-child contract.
While
showing kindness in quick little encounters with strangers is easy (even fun
sometimes), showing kindness out of “obligation” for extended periods of time,
especially when it conflicts with your own plans for fun, is much more
difficult. Where’s the fun in escorting your elderly parent to and from the
bathroom or cutting their food into small bites or … again and again?
Sacrificing
(i.e. showing kindness) for your own children (especially when they are babies)
comes pretty easy, at least in my own experience. But when the roles are
reversed and you the child are sacrificing for your parent you really come face
to face with your own selfishness … or selflessness.
Writing
this blog has definitely caused me to be more reflective about kindness and my
own character. If I only showed kindness when it didn’t conflict with my
schedule or when there was the quick reward of a smile or a thank-you I would
be a pretty shallow person (I probably wouldn’t like myself very much). While the
deeper form of kindness isn’t always easy, the reward is worth it.
Did
I write “reward”? Yes, I have found caring for my temporarily (she is improving
quickly) invalid mother rewarding. I found that I was able to maintain a good
attitude, provide her with quality care when I was on duty, and actually enjoy
serving her (as she had done for me so many times during my youth).
Don’t
get me wrong, caring for an elderly parent is hard work (emotionally, mentally
and physically). If it weren’t for my siblings (especially my sister who took
the lead) sharing the effort I would have been overwhelmed. But fortunately,
the experience this past month was filled with acts of kindness, which even
though they were done under obligation, were still rewarding.
